Ah, the first date. You’re laughing, the conversation is flowing, and there’s that undeniable spark between you two. Then, the question pops into your head: Do I take this further tonight? It’s a decision as old as dating itself—whether or not to have sex on the first date. For some, it’s a hard “no,” while others think, “Why not, if the vibe is right?” I used to be in the “wait it out” camp, thinking intimacy should come later, after a deeper connection was built. As I re-entered the dating scene, I realized something: sex doesn’t come with a timeline.
When I first dipped my toe back into the dating pool, I was worried about STIs, which put a serious damper on my sexual confidence. Eventually, though, I realized something important: sex is something I’m entitled to enjoy. And if I was having more of it than I had in the past (which wasn’t exactly a high bar), well, that was my right.
Sex is one of those things that can make or break a relationship. On one hand it is something that many value and feel is precious and special on the other hand, it is something that we all need and often want and can be an activity we do for fun.
I used to think that women needed to feel deeply connected to men in heterosexual relationships to have sex with them or that having sex for a woman creates an emotional bond more than a man does. While women tend to get more connected when they have sex, it doesn't mean they're any less likely to have sex simply for pleasure as opposed to a binding experience with a loving partner.
It's simply a matter of what you feel works best for you. It may be that you feel that you need to be in a relationship to get intimate with someone and that changes over time as it did for me. While I want and would cherish a partner that I felt connected enough with and wanted to be intimate with often, I also realized that sometimes a sexual connection is enough to pursue a less committed relationship-or “situationship.”
Let’s not ignore the double standard: men are celebrated for having multiple partners, while women are judged for the same behavior (“she’s loose”, slutty, etc.) As long as you are comfortable with your choice society’s outdated narratives shouldn’t matter. Your body, your rules.
I was in a virtually sexless marriage for the latter part of our relationship. As a sexual person I missed the physical touch and the pleasure of arousal that comes with having a partner. At first I felt that I needed to be in a relationship and I also found that when I did get intimate with someone I felt like I needed to be in a relationship with them.
I then tried to slowed down getting intimate with a new partner so that we could build a relationship. After some time on the dating scene, I learned intimacy doesn’t have to come with strings attached. You can connect with someone physically without building an emotional fortress around it. If it feels right, why not?
That said, don’t throw caution to the wind. Always make sure your partner is STI-free—and if you can’t be certain, use protection. Condoms are a must. And yes, there’s nothing wrong with a quick visual check to make sure everything looks good down there.
Sexual expression can be defined in many ways. Whether it is traditional penis in vagina intercourse or you decide you'd like to try something a little more adventurous or even a little less penetration and more touching or kissing.
Know yourself and how you will react to this person after the experience and also the next day. If you are comfortable that you are going to continue to see the person and that is what you need to be intimate with them then by all means go for it. If like me though, you may find yourself getting attached once you get naked with someone. It may be best in this situation to get to know them a little better before you make that choice.
Whatever you decide, it is your decision to make and not societies to tell you. Sex can be beautiful and fulfilling, whether it’s with a long-term partner or just a fleeting connection. It’s your body, your boundaries, and your pleasure.
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